About ghosting

Ghosting – or the “art” of disappearing suddenly and without a trace from someone’s life – is an old phenomenon and more common for many people. Before disappearing suddenly and without a trace from someone’s life, practitioners (ghosts) have several questionable and incongruent behavioural manifestations that – due to lack of information – especially women, misinterpret. These suspicious manifestations/behaviours are meant to help the ghost test if you are willing to let yourself be controlled and manipulated.

All of these are, in fact, power games – games in which the asymmetry is apparent – although you can’t define it correctly, you can still feel it. Power games mean abusive behaviour (some very well camouflaged by the mask of seduction) and have three evident characteristics: intentionality, repetitiveness and power imbalance. These characteristics are incompatible with love and the solid foundation needed for a stable, healthy and functional relationship. Keep reading this blog on Horny Escorts Agency.

The disappearance without a trace and its power games

Although he doesn’t know you or knows you very little, he compliments you from the first dialogues through which he tries to seduce you until he achieves his goal; it speeds up your pace – and this from the beginning – it can’t contain its origins, and it can’t delay its intentions too much Make gestures that seem generous, affectionate, making you see him in the most favourable light and believe that they are “the One”.

I am your spirit of the present.

In the past, I was a living part of your love life. In the future, I might be a memory; who knows? First of all, I concentrate on my presence in your present tense. That gives me power over you. You ask me mentally, sometimes in writing, but always silent questions.

Why did I disappear? Am I gone or still in the same place? Did I choose to ignore you on my own, or did circumstances make me do it? Don’t I miss you at all? Us? What might we have had? Not a little, at least?
Did I choose to ignore you on my own, or did circumstances make me do it? Don’t I miss you at all? Us? What might we have had? Not a little, at least?

My power over you is a very theoretical one for me. Because, first, it only relates to that one mental corner of your pulsating attention that’s always with me because you’re constantly hoping to get answers after all. Even if it’s just a reply to a recent text message.

Second, my power over you is theoretical because I do not exercise or use it practically. I don’t interact with you anymore. The betrayal and perversion are purely in the potential. Even if the effects on your psyche and your emotions are by no means theoretical. Are you wondering what’s in it for me?

Afraid of answers

I am your spirit, the gatekeeper of answers, resolution and redemption. As long as I keep my mouth shut, it will be tough for you to put an end to us. Do I want to get the chance, in a simple, safe and cleverly economical way, that you remain my contact point? It may only be a motel room, but where else can I get the dirtiest gratification of my imagination?

I am your spirit, the guardian of fears. At some point, it all becomes too much for me: confrontation, conflict, and contact. I didn’t want that much from you.
So if I remove myself from this equation, what’s left for you other than talking to yourself in and with your mind? It can’t be worth all that stress, so leave it alone. Isn’t that so easy?

Whose problem is that supposed to be now?

We will see. For the conflict between us, it needs at least both of us. So if I remove myself from this equation, what’s left for you other than talking to yourself in and with your mind? It can’t be worth all that stress, so leave it alone. Isn’t that so easy? Is that my fault? Good question.

I see it as more of your responsibility. I evade any responsibility here that does not concern me alone. I owe it only to myself to indulge my cowardice and laziness when I need to. I’m my next Ghost. That indifference should be mutual, babe. Anything else isn’t good for you.

Try to imagine that I’ve already forgotten you. That it wasn’t special enough for me between us. And even if something reminds me of you, I can’t see a way to reconnect with you without encountering my ghosts. And who wants that?

Who wants to meet a ghost? Have to face the terror?

The lust and pleasure in and in horror lie obscure and unspoken. Do I have to teach you to fear first? I’m an expert at fear, so I’m good at hiding.
I am your Ghost, the garrison raised in fear of being seen and rejected. I protect you from not having to recognize what I find so mean about you. I’ll just let you guess and guess.

What, is that supposed to be worse? Don’t be so rude; you don’t even know that. If you didn’t want that, you shouldn’t have gotten involved with me. No, of course, you couldn’t see the Ghost before. That’s the joke of a bogeyman: the surprise!
You can’t do it right, can you? It’s good that I’m gone; only you have to deal with it now. I didn’t even want to try it; I’m not good at failing. Is that the reason for my absence? Are you asking me?

The question of why

The tragedy of ghosting is the one-sidedness it needs by definition. Ghosting requires more than breaking contact between two people. Because if it happens consensually and out of mutual disinterest, one would not yet speak of ghosting. We only talk of ghosting when the contact is broken off on one side, and the other person ignores their attempts to make contact.

At some point, the searching side is no longer looking for the Ghost itself but primarily for its motives.
A significant factor here is the difficulty of finding the reasons for dropping out. At some point, the searching side is no longer looking for the Ghost itself but primarily for its motives. We say to ourselves that we need to know the reasons to be able to peel ourselves out of this open relationship that is holding us so tight.

But what happens when we should get an explanation? Can we understand that aspect when it is mentioned if we cannot explain what could be repulsive about us? We then say, “Oh yes, of course,” and go our separate ways. Anything is possible, which is why there is a less clarified reaction.

Ghosting means disappointment

I suspect we are confused about the kind of rejection that ghosting represents with something we can rationally and argumentatively deal with and resolve. Few things are more emotional – and rightly so – than experiencing such an all-encompassing rejection.

I don’t have an excellent strategy to deal with the profoundly disappointing expectations that a rejection of my person and needs means for me. In my experience, time is the only thing that works for me.

Looking at and recognizing the disappointment makes visible the unmet needs and how they could be met.

For me, disappointment is most intense and worst when it occurs. Like the shock that a ghost triggers the moment it suddenly shows itself. Looking at and recognizing the disappointment makes visible the unmet needs and how they could be met. And precisely, there is a lot in my power again.

The shock can stay in your bones for a long time. The Ghost can leave its memory hook sunk into my flesh for a long time. But it will never be as bad as in the moment of terror itself. I give myself time, and I give myself alternative fulfilment of my needs. Because they can always be fulfilled alternatively, and if not, it is time to request a professional offer of help.

And no, I’m not explicitly avoiding the “Haunted House” today for fear of the next Ghost. Because then I would have to prevent my heart.

In love, engaged, married: when does “forever” become “life imprisonment”?

In the last year, seven friends of mine got engaged, three of them even got married a little later, and one is expecting a child. In 2020, in the Corona year. And although I was genuinely happy for all of them, I have to admit that I was no less surprised that they all dared to take this step, especially in the past year. To say yes, albeit purely hypothetically in most cases.

Now, of course, you could ask: Why not? If not this year, then when? The circumstances in the world have shown that many things can be over damn fast or at least deteriorate very quickly. At least in love life, the desire for a constant is all too understandable.

Of course, the thought is also not far off: If you have survived the last year together as a couple, then the rest, whatever shit may come, can only be a walk in the park. Assuming you haven’t developed an aversion to going for walks.

How do I know if it’s enough for forever?

I’ve been in a relationship myself for four years. But when I imagine my partner now asking me if we want to stay together “forever” – and that too with the stamp of the registry office – then, to be honest, I would have to think twice.

I love my boyfriend, and in the last year, we have also taken one or the other step that could somehow amount to “forever” or at least be part of it: buying an apartment, buying furniture (lamps we chose together in almost every room!) and an ordinary pet.

But basically, our relationship hasn’t moved on in the last few months. She stayed the same. Equally good, equally bad in other places. So how am I supposed to know if this is the person with whom a “forever” can work and not, after a short time, become a “life sentence”?

But where do my friends get the certainty that they have found this one person?

Of course, you can always say that you don’t want to anymore, even with a marriage. It is not for nothing that every second marriage ends in divorce. But nobody gets married if they are not sure, at least at that moment, that the relationship will last forever. I’m the last to judge when a relationship doesn’t last. It doesn’t last forever and doesn’t withstand everything.

Still, I think that’s something desirable, at least for me. In most cases, the thought is nice: waking up every day next to that one person, happy until death do us part.

But where do my friends get the certainty that they have found this one person? What gives them the confidence that their “forever” will not become “life”? How do you know that you have found the right person? I’ve had this feeling before and was bitterly disappointed, not least by myself.

Do these doubts mean that my relationship is not the right one? Or at least not anymore?

Is that feeling only found once, and if you don’t seize that opportunity, is that opportunity gone forever? Anything that could come after that, just a paper ring or an agonizing “life sentence” instead of a lovely “forever”?

I have my own very personal doubts, as you can read here. But do these doubts mean that my relationship is not the right one? Or at least not anymore? Can you doubt your relationship? Or do you not do that? And the most important question of all: if I suspect, does it make my relationship worse than everyone else?

Maybe I have to have these doubts for a while, and then, when the moment comes, I can finally put them aside. Perhaps when the question of “forever” together comes up, it has finally come to throw it overboard forever. And if not, maybe that’s not a bad thing. Because whether a “forever” becomes a “life sentence” is in our hands.