Communication – the key to the most amazing sex
Communication in sex, and relationships in general, is not essential. It is fundamental. We feel more comfortable talking about sex, sexual practices, and masturbation every time. However, many people still cannot tell their partner what they like (and what they don’t), and this happens mainly for fear of their reaction or what they will think about them.
It is also curious how some people who have been together for a more or less long time do not know what their partner likes in bed either because they have taken it for granted or have not stopped to ask him openly.
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In this post, you will read a true story of a natural person like you who one day realized that what was missing in their relationship and their sexual and love satisfaction was so simple but sometimes so difficult to achieve. As the CO-MU-NI-CA-TION and within it, sexual communication.
But what do we mean by sexual communication?
Sexual communication involves the exchange of ideas and opinions between two people about everything related to their sexual life and can occur in different ways and at other times.
• Talking about sex: When you don’t talk about sex, you tend to take for granted or assume what your partner likes, but you don’t know for sure because you’ve never asked yourself.
• Informative communication during sexual intercourse: can be carried out through words or body language. For example, you can guide your partner’s hand to where you want him to caress you or react positively or negatively to stimulation.
• Affective communication: not all people have the same concept of what it is to show affection, nor do we show it the same way. It is then a question of communicating your love and devotion to your partner, making sure that it “reaches him”, that is, that he receives the appropriate message during sexual intercourse.
After reading BB Easton’s experience, we are sure that you will begin to give sexual communication the importance it deserves and to tell your partner what you want, how you want it, and when you want it. Now yes, we leave you with her.
If you are reading this, it is because you have undoubtedly heard of me or my story, and if it is not for either of these two reasons, I am going to explain why I believe, and above all, I hope, that I can help you.
I am one of the escort girls and I study psychology, and until a few years ago, that was what I did professionally. I worked in a school and at home, helping children and young people to modify their behaviour, move forward emotionally, and progress positively in their attitude towards their environment. And you will think: and what is this girl doing writing on an erotic portal? Well, nothing, I decided to start a diary, and the behaviour I changed was that of my husband.
Yes, yes, as you hear. And you’ll keep thinking: okay, but it still doesn’t add up what this girl is doing here, with pink hair and looking like she’s never broken a plate. With my experience and training, I changed my husband’s behaviour in bed. Guys, you can’t imagine how happy I am now and what I enjoy with my husband. I’m going there!
“Are you reading my mind?”
That’s one of the first questions people asked me when they discovered my profession. As if psychologists had the psychic powers of a medium. No, hell, I don’t read minds; I try to improve your mind to improve your conduct because I assure you that the reason is always our worst enemy.
“No,” he said with a polite laugh.
I wish, I thought, rolling my eyes to myself. It would indeed be better for me and earn more money.
You see, I knew the idea of mind reading was ridiculous, impossible, and yet, every day when I got home from work, that was exactly what I expected from my husband: that he read my mind.
Hasn’t it happened to you many times? What do you expect from people about what you would do? Or that you expect them to react the same way you would. Well, no, the world doesn’t work like that. I pretended to be an expert psychologist and, without a doubt, I was failing in something basic: communication.
My birthday was coming up, and I never wanted to tell my husband what I would like him to give me. He should know. I didn’t want to say to him why I was mad. I just wanted to sit on the couch pouting until he figured it out. And she certainly didn’t want to tell him when, where, and how she wanted to have sex. He should know, period. And if it could be embedding myself like my ex-boyfriends did, even better: sex like the one you finish and you’re panting for ten minutes as if you’d climbed Everest. No. I was so wrong. It isn’t very comfortable.
And not just because my husband is a robot (a robot-husband, as I affectionately call him in 44 episodes about four men). Of course, her introverted personality and mathematical mind don’t do her any favours when it comes to romance. But no matter who your partner is, I promise she CAN’T READ YOUR MIND either.
When I realized this fact, everything changed.
I am the author of the book” 44 chapters about four men”, on which the next great Netflix series is based:” Sex Life.” And in this book, I explain how I got my husband to change his attitude in bed, which changed my life.
That false assumption (that my husband should be able to read my mind) led me to inaccurate conclusions:
• That he didn’t love me as much as I loved him.
• That he wasn’t attracted to me anymore.
• That the spark of our marriage was gone.
A simple miscommunication grew into a natural feeling of loss and loneliness. “It’s like we only share a flat!” I remember screaming, frustrated, as Ken stared at the floor, regretting that he hadn’t lived up to expectations I had never bothered to share with him.
Then the miracle came.
I began to write an intimate and personal diary that I hid in my room and which I called BB’s Secret Diary so that my husband would know, if one day he met him, that it was no joke, not even remotely, not even for all the gold of the world, should read. In that diary, I began to remember the four ex-boyfriends who have marked my life, sexually speaking.
Here it would help if you thought: but this girl, with her career, with her studies, with her house and her husband, well, she must have had a very everyday life. Aix, you’re mistaken. I don’t understand how I managed to marry Ken when my ex-boyfriends have been the most diverse: from a rock singer to a half psycho punk, also passing through a stoner.
The fact is that despite this poor profile of them that I have left you, I have to say that I had a lot of fun with all of them in bed, a lot, and I began to remember the sexual juggling I did with them. And what happened? What I would never have imagined in my life. I thought: “If one day Ken reads this when he gets home, neither he nor the children will be there.” But the simple idea of capturing all that part of my life and doing it secretly excited me, so I continued.
Until Ken found the diary and read it. And, friends, do you know what happened? Suddenly one day, my husband got into the shower with me, turned my back and made me pant like never before. Another day, he waited until the kids were asleep to pick me up in the kitchen, climb on the counter and work wonders on me.
Do you realize what was happening? My husband had acted in the last way I had imagined. He was taking ideas from my past experiences to start enjoying ourselves together in bed. The problem was communication: I had never told him what I wanted, how, and when.
And then I understood that I had to professionalize it.
I talked to my best friend from Uni, Sara, a psychologist, and she said, “Man, you just discovered the holy grail for marital behaviour change. We’re going to hit it.” And I began to pretend and write anecdotes that had not happened to me but that I wanted my husband to apply. At the same time, I discovered a book by Dr Gary Chapman called The 5 Love Languages and finally realized my problem.
Dr Chapman is a couples therapy specialist who discovered that everyone communicates their love differently. Some express their love through words of affirmation. Others, like me, prefer physical contact. Some use gifts to give and receive love, while others value spending time together. And some, like my husband, use acts of service to show they care about you. My husband took care of everything.
He unburdened me with many things because he believed it would make me happy.
And, of course, of course, but the most important thing was missing: our intimate part, which had gone to waste years ago. The problem wasn’t that I expected my husband to read my mind. The problem was that I expected my husband to speak my language.
With the diary, although not directly, he understood my attitude and learned what I liked, something I had never told him. Love meant cuddling on the couch, kissing in the kitchen, and having sex in the shower—finding ways to have physical contact when we were together. So when Ken sat on the other end of the couch, passed me in the hallway without even touching my ass, or went to the shower alone, I felt unloved. But Ken showed me that he loved me all the time, albeit differently.
She washed the dishes, did the laundry, tended the garden and did the shopping. If I worked late, he made dinner. If the car needed gas, he would fill the tank for me. I interpreted all these gestures as simple and plain kindness when it was his way of saying, “I love you”.
Thanks to that journal and The 5 Love Languages, I learned that Ken and I didn’t have a problem in our intimate lives. We had a communication problem. Ken was communicating with acts of service, and I wasn’t communicating at all. She was sulking at life and the world. But the good news is that there was another language that we could try and that we both understood perfectly: verbal.
So I started telling Ken, in words, what I wanted for my birthday. And you know what? I buy it! If I told him I was upset about something, he would listen to me! And now, instead of expecting him to know when, where, and how I want to have sex, I lead him by the hand down the freshly scrubbed hallway, through the kitchen that still smells like the dinner he’s made, to our bedroom, where I take a newly folded pile of clothes on our bed, I pull back the covers and love him the way I love him, telling him I love him too.
I hope that, with my experience, apart from having fun and laughing a lot (I have to confess that there are scenes that, when I remember them, made me cry with laughter), you understand that Disney stories, guys, don’t exist, that Prince Charming doesn’t will come to rescue no one and that either you talk and express yourself, or you are destined for obfuscation, failure and, why not say it, a boring sexual routine. I assure you: it is no longer my case.
Talking about sex before, after and during sexual intercourse tremendously benefits the couple’s relationship.
Sexuality is essential in any person’s life and, therefore, in any relationship. Hence it is vital to take care of sexual communication since, if it is deficient or non-existent, it can significantly affect sexual experiences and the relationship.