What asexuality means, and why do people end up experiencing it?

Asexuality is characterized by the fact that the person does not experience sexual attraction towards other people or only feels this sexual attraction towards others in particular conditions or very rarely and very punctually in their life.
It is, therefore, a sexual orientation (such as homosexuality, bisexuality or heterosexuality), mainly claimed by people in the asexual group. Continue reading this post on our Escort Service Website.

The sexologists and sexologists of a sexology site attend more and more frequent questions and consultations about asexuality.

For example, some people ask us what it is to be asexual and what it implies, and they are often interested in it because they are considering whether their partner or these same people who consult could be regarded as asexual (“am I asexual?”, “Is my partner asexual?”).

As we have commented above, it would be a sexual orientation toward no one. Since no one attracts, people on the asexual spectrum do not experience feelings of physical and sexual attraction towards a specific person. They do not feel a desire to have sexual activity with someone specifically for the interest that could awaken. Our escort models recommend this post.

People who are not asexual are called allosexuals, and they are people who do experience sexual attraction to others. And after this explanation come the nuances and clarifications. Like so many other issues related to human sexuality, there is also great diversity within asexual people (it could not be otherwise!).

Asexual people may (or may not) feel sexual desire, sexual arousal, romantic or intellectual interest in other people, and sometimes have a partner. It is common for them to experience sexual desire or arousal to a lesser extent than allosexual people (that is, people who are not asexual). In general, they also tend to feel less interest in having sexual contact with other people.

Indeed asexual people generally experience less desire for sexual contact, and less sexual arousal, partly because, for them, other people are not inducers of desire or arousal.

The passion or excitement, in any case, will be aroused for other reasons (for example, some pleasant caresses, a fantasy) but not because of the attraction they feel for someone specific.

Some asexual people masturbate, some don’t, some asexual people have erotic contacts and are sexually active, and some aren’t. Some have erotic fantasies, some don’t, some have a partner, some don’t, some have an interest in sexuality, and some don’t.
They have a lack of sexual attraction to other people, regardless of their gender. But beyond that, this group’s experiences, experiences and ways of life are very varied.

Sometimes there is talk of the asexual spectrum, which includes people who experience that lack of sexual attraction to others to varying degrees or with their peculiarities.

For example, it is common to speak of grey sexuality (grey-asexuality), or graysexual people, in the case of those who occasionally feel sexual attraction to others, promptly. They think they are at some point on a continuum where asexuality would be one extreme and allosexual another.

Demisexuality is also often referred to as feeling sexual attraction towards another person only when there is an essential compelling or emotional bond with that person so that in the absence of said bond, one does not feel sexual attraction towards anyone.

Among people who fall on the spectrum of asexuality, some experience romantic or intellectual attraction to other people (and those who do not), and some have a desire to have a partner or an intimate and emotional connection with someone who is more than a friendship, and who does not have that desire. Some want close or erotic contact such as hugs, holding hands, or confident caresses, and others do not.

Sometimes, we use aromantic asexuals to name people who feel neither sexual nor romantic attraction to others, heteroromantic asexuals if they think romantic (but not sexual) appeal to the opposite sex, and homoromantic when the romantic interest is towards the same sex.

Some facts about asexuality:

People belonging to the asexual spectrum can be women, men and non-binary people. It should be noted that, in general, men mention feeling worse due to expectations and social pressure in this regard.
Some studies estimate that 1% of the population is considered asexual. For example, it is worth mentioning the article published by Anthony Bogaert, based on a survey carried out in the United Kingdom with more than 18,000 people (Boagert, 2004).

Various surveys also indicate a significant presence of LGBTQ+ and non-binary people in the asexual group. For example, according to data from a census developed by the Asexual Community of Spain (ACEs) in 2019 among its members, we find that 64.3% are women, 20.2% are men, and 15.5% people non-binary and others.

There also seems to be a percentage of the trans population in the asexual spectrum group.

To cite one fact, 2.87% of asexual people are trans people, according to the results of the AVENes surveys from 2011 to early 2015.

These are general data, but it is impossible to speak of “specific characteristics of the asexual person”. There are many asexual people, all different, and each person, whether asexual or not, is peculiar, unique and unrepeatable.

Regarding the presence of different types of nuances in the asexual spectrum, it is worth mentioning, for example, the data from the AVENes survey of the year 2017, which found that, within the group, 50.3% identified themselves as completely asexual, 21 .9% considered themselves close to demisexuality, 24% graysexual, and 3.8 included themselves in other categories within asexuality.

Asexuality is not…

It should be noted that asexuality is not a choice or an option. In this case, it is a person’s experience of the lack of sexual attraction to other people. That is why we speak today of sexual orientation.

Asexual people are not “antisexual” (it is not that they are against sexual relationships or are not opposed to different expressions of sexuality). It is common for asexuality to be associated with celibacy or sexual abstinence. However, both celibacy and abstinence respond to decisions made in the erotic life and have more to do “with what is done” than with what is done. It feels. A celibate person may feel sexual attraction, for example, but decide not to have sex for whatever reason.

An asexual person does not feel that erotic attraction for others, whether or not they have sexual relations.

Is asexuality a sexual problem?

As a sexologist, I think that asexuality is one more example of the enormous diversity and richness that human sexuality presents. Some people experience sexual attraction for many others with great frequency and intensity. Therefore, why shouldn’t there also be people with little or no sexual interest in others?

In the past, asexual people have been pathologized quite frequently. In many cases, some sexual dysfunction was attributed to them, such as hypoactive sexual desire (or low sexual desire) or aversion to sex. I assumed their condition was not expected, and traumas, psychological, sexological or physical (hormonal, for example) problems were sought to justify their null or limited sexual attraction to others.

Due in large part to the activism and visibility of many asexual people, how the issue is addressed today is changing, also by professionals, including sexologists.

Interesting debates and reflections are beginning in this regard in activist forums and professional and sexological conferences. It is necessary to offer the best sexological care to these people and improve our understanding of human sexuality in its set.

Many people state that they do not suffer from being asexual. They have always felt this way, that they do not think that “they lack anything” and that what causes them discomfort is social pressure or, in their case, the difficulties in managing their asexual condition as a couple. Many of these people comment that they enjoy many pleasures in their lives, being erotic pleasure or sexual pleasure, something they do not give excessive importance to in many cases.

I should note that we live in a society that pressures us to live our sexuality in a certain way: in the context of a couple, which must be heterosexual (and, if possible, with bodies that follow normative beauty canons and without functional diversity). Or disability). Said couple must maintain coital relations (or, at least, genitalia) frequently (being the rest of erotic practices considered “second category”, worthless, or taboo). In this model, it is also expected that people frequently desire to engage in coital practices, are easily aroused, and have orgasms with such rules.

We know that not everyone fits into this way of living sexuality.

It would therefore be worth asking whether the possible difficulties these people have with sexuality have to do with an actual internal discomfort or with the pressures to adapt to a normative, rigid, standardized and immutable type of sexuality to which everyone must adjust by themselves.

Does this mean that anyone with a low erotic desire, which causes dissatisfaction, should assume it without further ado? Common erotic desire is not the same as having little or no sexual attraction to others. They are different issues and do not always correlate.
Let’s remember: what characterizes asexuality is low or no sexual attraction to other people. Therefore, asexuality is not a problem of sexual desire (although that lack of interest, as we have mentioned, can sometimes influence sexual desire).

Asexuality is also not a problem of sexual arousal, asexual people can become aroused, have orgasms, or ejaculate, and their genitals can become erect or lubricated.

If there is sexual desire, in the case of asexual people, it is not directed towards someone specific. And if there is arousal, it is a physiological response to sexual stimuli, not the product of attraction to someone.

In the sexology consultation, each case can be analyzed carefully, assessing and also taking into account the experiences of the person, their history with sexuality, their feelings about it, their compelling circumstances, and the possible factors that may influence desire ( or excitement), and their potential life plans, among other issues, to guide each person in the best possible way.

The sexual and emotional life of asexual people

It may seem contradictory to talk about the sexual life of asexual people. But, as we have already clarified, the experiences and situations in this group are enormously diverse.

Some examples: there are times when an asexual person decides to have erotic contact to please their partner or because it satisfies them to see the other party’s pleasure. It may also be that he initiates contact without desire, and after some caresses or practices, he gets excited and enjoys the encounter.

He may also create some sexual references out of desire after having fantasized.

Or you can maintain certain masturbation behaviors alone on certain occasions. Even in the case of couples formed by a woman and a man, the asexual person can decide to have intercourse looking for pregnancy. Some asexual people enjoy the non-genital part of encounters, kisses, hugs, caresses, groping, and a wide variety of situations.

Honest and assertive communication in the couple is usually essential, talking with confidence about preferences and tastes, negotiating and agreeing on certain parts of the erotic life, being aware of the peculiarities of each member of the couple, and being respectful of one’s limits and the other person.

And when it comes to married life, there are people on the spectrum of asexuality interested in having a partner and others who are not, something that, by the way, can flow and change throughout the life cycle, just like What happens to allosexual people?

Asexual people sometimes have partners who are also asexual, and sometimes they have allosexual partners (that is, people who are not asexual). They can also maintain polyamorous relationships, open relationships, or any other relational formula. And, of course, they can choose not to keep any partner.

Why do asexual people go to a sexology clinic?

There are several reasons why a person on the asexual spectrum can go to a sexologist or sexologist. Here we list a few:

In the case of people with a partner: asexual people and their partners often come due to difficulties in sexual relations, fearing a breakup or trying to avoid certain misunderstandings. One person who makes up the couple can feel sexual attraction and not feel reciprocated in this regard. In some cases, it is confused with a lack of desire (we have already commented above that it is not the same, although it may be related depending on how it is managed).

The above applies to people who maintain some other type of relationship (such as polyamorous). In these cases, they are usually consulted to obtain guidance about managing sexuality with other people.